Angst Trilogy Ch.2

(warning: Angst!)


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MY LAST BREATH
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“Hey Neji.” A soft voice called out to the prodigy as he sat against his favorite beech tree in mediation.

“Hn.” Neji grunted in respond to the girl sitting next to him.

“Do you think angels exist?” she asked.

“No Tenten.” Neji’s eyes remained closed, but they both knew he was attentively listening.

“Why not?” Tenten asked.

“Hn.” Neji grunted. He really didn’t have an answer.

“You know, that’s the problem with your byakugan.” Neji opened one eye questioningly, staring at the kunoichi as she explained, “You can only believe what you see with your eyes.”

“I see nothing wrong with that.” Neji replied.

“But there’s so much in this world that can’t be seen.” Tenten asserted.

“Such as?” Neji questioned.

“Well…” she though for a moment. “Love.” She stated, “Love cannot be seen, it can only be felt. Can you honestly tell me you don’t believe in Love?”

Neji watched as the kunoichi smiled triumphantly. He would have argued that it was still perceivable through one of the senses, whereas angels and spirits where something that could not be, given that, by their very nature they were intangible. Yet, the peaceful happiness on her face convinced him to accept her answer. After all, she was right; love could not be seen.

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Hold on to me love
You know I can't stay long
All I wanted to say was
I love you and I'm not afraid
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A gentle knock on the door forced a weary Neji to awaken. He hadn’t realized that he had fallen asleep holding Tenten’s small hand to his face.

“Neji.” Sakura’s head poked through the slightly open door. “It’s Lees turn now.” She whispered.

Neji nodded slowly; looking down one last time at the girl laying before him, he grazed the side of her face with his right hand, as he moved a lock of hair off of the pale skin. He stood up, placing her hand beside her as he forced himself to walk toward the door.

He wanted to turn back one last time, but didn’t dare look. He knew he would be unable to stand the sight of her hooked up to all those machines again. As a trembling Lee passed beside him, to get to the kunoichi’s bedside, Neji noticed the look of terror that swept across the bowl-headed shinobi’s face; confirming his decision to not turn back.

Gai stood patiently in the hall; it was unusual to see Konoha’s Green Beast so serious. Neji moved to stand across from him, closing his eyes to avoid the questioning eyes of his sensei. Gai seemed to understand; though he wanted to know how Tenten was, he decided against asking.

“Gai-sensei.” Lee’s shaky voice obtained Neji’s attention.

Opening his eyes, he saw Lee exit the room, as Gai entered to see Tenten. For a moment he wasn’t sure what to make of Lee’s quick reappearance, but upon looking at the clock hanging on the far wall down the hall, Neji realized what they had done.

Silently, he inwardly thanked both men; grateful to them for having relinquished their time with Tenten to him, allowing him nearly the full 15 minutes to be by her side.

“I’m afraid visiting time is over.” Tsunade appeared beside them, just as Gai was stepping out of the room. “You should all go home and rest now. We’ll debrief in the morning.”

Gai and Lee turned toward one another; exchanging hesitant looks. Neji, on the other hand, had already made up his mind; there was no way he was leaving the hospital!

“Do I have to make it an order?” Tsunade firmly asked, staring straight at Neji. It was clear from her tone that she did not want to, but if she had to, she would.

Gai and Lee shook their heads solemnly; resigned to follow the directions of their Hokage.

“Make sure he gets home.” She told Gai and Lee, referring to Neji. “Don’t forget you also suffered injuries. You need your rest.” She told the Hyuga.

Reluctantly, Neji followed as his teammates began walking down the hall. He was tempted to look back one more time, but decided against it when his teammates stopped to see if he were following.

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Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms
Holding my last breath?
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
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‘Neji’

Neji stirred in his bed at the sound of his name.

‘Neji’ the whispering voice called out again.

Neji blinked several times, unsure of where exactly he currently found himself, he slowly opened his eyes to take in his present location. Everything looked fuzzy, but upon looking around his immediate surroundings, Neji was still able to recognize that he was laying face down on his bed. The normally neatly straightened piece of furniture he laid in was currently unmade and messy; it appeared as if he had not even bothered to take the trouble of unmaking it before he had lain down to sleep.

‘Neji.’ The airy whisper called out to the prodigy once more.

Turning his sore body to see where the voice was coming from, Neji abruptly froze in surprise as he saw Tenten sitting peacefully on his window sill. The full moon’s light cascading into the room from behind her, giving the dark room an eerie silver glow.

“Tenten?” Neji attempted to suppress a yawn as he looked at the kunoichi questioningly.

Tenten softly giggled at his failed attempt of concealing how tired he was. The sweet sound sent shivers down the prodigy’s spin.

“What are you doing here?” he asked after a few moments.

‘I want to tell you something.’ Tenten offered as explanation.

“It’s late.” Neji replied, shaking his groggy head before dropping it back down on the pillow. He closed his eyes and pulled the pillow tighter in between his arms, lifting it higher up to better support his head.

‘It’s Important.’ Tenten continued.

“Can’t it wait until morning?” Neji yawned as his exhaustion pushed him deeper into the pillow.

‘I’m afraid.’ Tenten replied. ‘It has to be tonight. You have to come with me.’

Neji continued keeping his eyes shut, enjoying the feel of the warm bed and soft pillow wrapping themselves around his aching muscles. A part of his mind was telling him that it was not like Tenten to come to his room in the middle of the night and ask him to follow him somewhere; but his body didn’t seem to want to listen, all it cared about was how tired and sore it felt.

‘Please Neji.’ Tenten’s pleading voice roused something within the Hyuga.

Slowly moving his stiff body from his comfortable position on the bed, Neji turned to face the bun-haired kunoichi.

“Hn.” Neji lifted himself off the bed and moved toward the window.

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Sweet rapture and life,
It ends here tonight.
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“Where are you taking me?” Neji asked the weapons mistress as he followed behind her.

His body still ached, and he was feeling a bit lightheaded as they swiftly leapt through the trees. Even with the grogginess in his head, and the blurredness of his eyes, Neji could see they were headed in the direction of the training fields.

It seemed too early to be going to training; though he seriously doubted he would be able to get much training done, given the state of his body, even if it had been some later hour.

“Tenten?” Neji said her name questioningly; letting her know that he was still expecting an answer.

‘You’ll see.’ Tenten replied, as she gracefully soared through the air.

Neji continued following her; despite his pain, he wasn’t the type to complain, and he certainly wouldn’t admit to feeling weak, especially when it appeared that Tenten was not having any trouble at all. Normally, when Neji felt sore, Tenten would usually be feeling worst than him. However, this didn’t appear to be the case at all this time; then again, Neji had never felt as horrible as he did at that moment. Still, it seemed unusual that his sparring partner would not be feeling the same thing, given that they were almost always together, so whenever one felt overexerted, so did the other. Yet, as he continued to follow the kunoichi to wherever she was leading him, he realized she seemed to be completely fine. Not only did it appear that she wasn’t in the same pain as him, but she almost seemed to be gliding through the air as she jumped form tree to tree.

‘Here.’ Tenten stopped in front of large tree.

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I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
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The eerie gray moonlight that had shone into his room through the open window seemed to completely envelope the entire forest. Neji wasn’t quite sure what time of night it was, but he was certain he had never seen the night look so dark, and yet so bright at the same time. It was almost as if everything had a wintery-white glow to its appearance. Neji contemplated that this was similar to what a forest looked like when one was dreaming. For a moment he wondered if perhaps he were still sleeping, but quickly discarded the notion; he was certain there was no way one could feel such vivid pain within a dream.

“Why have you brought me here Tenten?” Neji turned back to face the kunoichi who had motioned for him to step up to the tree.

Upon turning away from the tree, Neji found nothing by empty space behind him. His eyes quickly darted across the clearing to see if he could spot where the kunoichi had taken off to. Growing slightly irritated at the unusual behavior of his generally normal teammate, Neji turned back toward the tree, wondering why she had decided to bring him to that spot in the first place.

As he examined the tree and the surrounding area a bit more, Neji finally realized that Tenten had brought him toward their training field. He questioned how it was that he hadn’t realized this before hand, but rationalized it was no doubt due to fatigue.

Too tired to even get mad, Neji began turning his back to sit down and wait for her to show up again, when something in the shadows suddenly caught his attention. It was a carving in the wood, no more than three inches tall and five inches wide, and just a little over five and half feet off the ground. Neji moved closer toward the carving in the beech tree’s smooth surface. Even in the darkness, with his blurred vision, Neji could still make out that it was a small heart surrounding a pair of initials.

Tracing the small wound in the tree with his finger, Neji turned back to see if Tenten were back, before taking a seat at the base of the tree and closing his tired eyes.

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I know you hear me,
I can taste it in your tears.
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you.
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A chilling breeze blew up against Neji’s face. The prickling sensation of the cold roused the byakugan user to open his eyes. Blinking himself awake once again, Neji was pleased to see Tenten in front of him; the wind gently blowing her loose hair.

“You left.” Neji stated, though there was no accusation in his voice.

‘Not yet.’ Tenten somberly replied, before looking up into the dark night’s sky.

“What do you mean?” Neji furrowed his brow at her comment.

‘It’s beautiful this time of night, isn’t it?’ Tenten closed her eyes serenely, outstretching her arms, before slowly turning in circles.

Neji became transfixed, as he stared tenderly at the spinning girl before him. The cold breeze blew her released hair gently as she leisurely rotated her body. Seeing Tenten in that present form, Neji decided there was something ethereal about the way she looked at that moment; like an angel from the heavens.

He smirked at his childish musings. Though he would admit to himself that the kunoichi did indeed look lovely, it was probably just his eyes readjusting to the darkness, which made the girl appear so unearthly.

Moving his hands up to rub the sleep from his eyes, Neji froze. Right hand touching his face, he quickly moved it back in front of his eyes. Looking down at the moisture on his hand; for the first time, Neji acknowledged the tears that had been blurring his vision.

Looking up once more to face the spinning image of his teammate, he discovered she had disappeared, yet again.

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Sweet rapture and life,
It ends here tonight.
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Whipping the tears from his face, Neji stood back up and scanned the clearing for the disappearing kunoichi. Again, his eyes landed on the small heart scarring the old beech tree he had been laying up against.

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“What are you doing Tenten?” Neji looked down at the fourteen year old kunoichi, kunai in hand, crouching down in front of the beech tree they usually rested against after each sparring match.

“Carving my name into the tree.” Tenten nonchalantly stated as she etched out a small T into the smooth wood.

“Why?” Neji inquired.

“To leave something behind.” Tenten replied.

“…” Neji stared at her a moment; eyebrow raised questioningly.

“Come on Neji,” Tenten turned to the Hyuga, noting his confusion even from behind her. “Don’t you want to be remembered?” she looked at him expectantly.

“Remembered?” Neji repeated.

“Yeah, you know, leave something for someone to find someday and maybe think of you.” Tenten explained.

Neji stood silent, thinking over what the kunoichi had said. “The tree will grow.” Neji observed.

“Yes, I know.” Tenten nodded, looking up at the Hyuga from her crouching position.

“In time, your name will reach far too high for anyone to see.” Neji informed her.

“Why do you think I’m writing it down here?” Tenten responded, motioning to the spot near the base of the tree, where she was carving out her name. “Beech trees grow slowly; in about ten years, it should grow about eight feet. But between now and then, I’ll still be able to see it.” she explained.

“Hn.” Neji sighed, still unsure of the reasoning behind wanting to carve ones name into a tree.

“You want me to write your name in too?” Tenten asked.

“You can do as you like.” Neji shrugged, before moving toward the center of the clearing to wait for the start of their spar.

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Neji had seen the carving many times over the past seven years since she had engraved it in the tree’s bark. He hadn’t really thought much of it, since at the beginning it had been ‘TEN’, which he figured she had given up on finishing. He had noticed the heart placed around the three letters later on, though he was unsure as to when exactly that had happened. By then, it had been so familiar to him, that Neji scarcely took the time to look at it for more than the briefest of moments.

Tracing his finger along the lines of each letter, he realized there was something unusual about the E. All the letters were capitalized and in print, but for some reason the E seemed to look as if it were written in cursive. What’s more, there was a vertical line superimposed on the E. Tracing his finger over the heart, it dawned on him that thatwasn’t an E at all; it was an open ampersand! Which meant that the contents of the heart were not ‘TEN’ as he had always suspected; but, ‘T&N’… T and N… Tenten and Neji!(1)

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Closing your eyes to disappear
You pray your dreams will leave you here,
But still you wake and know the truth
No one's there.
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She loved him!

Tenten loved him.

Him!

Neji.

Tenten loved Neji.

Tenten was in love with Neji.

The mere thought that the kunoichi was in love with him sent a warm wave of happiness coursing through the Hyuga, that for a moment, he completely forgot about the soreness of his limbs.

A soft smile swept across Neji’s face, as he blissfully closed his eyes, savoring the knowledge that the woman he loved; loved him back.

Determined to find the kunoichi in question, to tell her exactly how it was he felt about her, Neji turned back toward the clearing to go in search of her.

It was then that reality hit him. He could see her standing across the clearing; her dark hair gently cascading down her shoulders, emphasizing the whiteness of her clothes; but he knew… That wasn’t Tenten.

It all made sense now. The pain, the ethereal glow, the dreamlike state, the unusual disappearances; this wasn’t his Tenten. It was the other one; the illusion. The hallucination his mind had created to help him realize how he had felt all along. The one that sent him soaring, and then snapped his wings in half; that sent his heart racing to new heights, then ripped it from his chest. The dream that had turned into a nightmare, as he realized the truth of it all; there was no one there.

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Say goodnight, don't be afraid
Calling me, holding me, as you fade to black.
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It was all just an illusion. His Tenten lay in a dark, cold room; on an uncomfortable hospital bed, hooked up to numerous machines; slowly growing colder.

Alone. Neji mournfully thought.

No. Forgetting all about his own pain, Neji sped off into the black night; afraid of what may come, but determined that, no matter what… she would NOT be alone.

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(Say goodnight) Holding my last breath
(Don't be afraid) Safe inside myself
(Holding me) Are my thoughts of you
Sweet rapture and life,
It ends here tonight.
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“Tenten.” Neji breathed heavily, as he reached out to the door that led to her room.

He knew that visiting hours were over, and that the Hokage would not be happy to know that he had disobeyed her, but he didn’t care; if he were punished on account of this, he would gladly take whatever consequences resulted.

Yet, even as he stood there, determined to accept any penalties that may result from his defiance, Neji found himself unable to turn the doorknob he held in his hand. As much as Neji wanted to be by her side, he didn’t want to see her. He didn’t want to see the condition she was in; didn’t want to verify his aching dread.

Releasing the handle, he turned back toward the hall, ready to leave.

But he didn’t.

In front of him, standing in the empty hall, was the illusion that insisted on haunting him. At last, He knew what it meant.

An imperfect truth is better than a perfect lie.

Turning back, Neji opened the door to Tenten’s room. Cautiously approaching the side of her bed, he saw the angelic face of his love. The pinkness of her skin, which he had been accustomed to seeing, had been replaced by a sickly grayness; yet she still retained that serene aura that had always captivated Neji, and made her beautiful in his eyes.

Stepped toward the sleeping kunoichi, Neji gently lifted the girl up, so that he could lay at her side, and take her in his arms. Wrapping himself around her, Neji took Tenten’s left hand in his right, as he laid her head upon his chest; his chin touching her head. He could feel her shallow breathing growing more and more prolonged between each breath; her chest barely rising and falling with each breath.

He deeply inhaled her scent. “I love you Tenten.” Neji leaned down and kissed the top of her head as he squeezed her hand in his. For an instance, he thought he felt her squeeze back, before releasing her last breath…

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TBC…
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