The Twins Arrive

Warmth. So soft and gentle and... familiar.

My eyes flutter open, willing my sight to adjust, as I search the room for what I know will be right besides me. It doesn't come quickly enough. My vision is blurred and my eyes tired. For a moment I don't understand why this is, but as I search my memory and feel the fatigue of my body, I understand perfectly.

“Aki.”

I hear my name whispered near my ear. Such a beautiful melody to the voice; both powerful and firm, but there is a hint of sadness and longing in it's tone. If I had the energy, I am certain panic would overtake me. I don't like to hear his sadness. I don't like it when he's in pain. It's only then that I can properly identify the warm feeling I had. Gosai, my husband, sits next to me on my right. His large callous hand, made rough from years of training with various weapons and metals, lovingly rubs a thumb over my forehead. I can feel the beads of sweat resting on my brow, gently being smoothed over by his soothing touch.

“Aki...”

His voice is low and soft, but the intensity of emotion in it as he calls to me is immeasurable. Gosai. I want to call out to him, to reach out to him. But I can't. I'm much too tired. Too many hours struggling, laboring, pushing. I'm worn out. But still I want to tell him I'm fine. It's okay. He needn't worry. Gosai. So close, but I feel as if he's never been further away.  

“Kobiru-chan...”

I gasp. Memories flood me. Gosai. My love. My life. He used to call me that. We knew each other since childhood. All my life it feels. I still remember the moment we met. It was in the dojo of my clan's main house. It was the first day he and my brother Hade had been assigned to the same team. Back then we kids idolized Hade, and didn't think anyone was deserving of being on his team. Haru and I had stealthily crept into their training room to see what the boy who was to be Hade's new teammate was like.

That was the day I first saw him.

Gosai. My Gosai. He didn't actually become mine until many years later, but back then, in my three year old heart, I just knew... I didn't understand it of course. But that was the moment I fell in love with him. I wasn't like the other girls who fawned over him though. I never chased after him, I didn't gush, I didn't obsess, I didn't stalk, I didn't scribble his name all over my belongs and day dream of marrying him one day. Okay, maybe I did a little of the latter, but all in all, I was not the typical fangirl. My love was pure. My love was real. And as it turned out... so was his.

So pure and real that when Gosai realized he was in love with me, he made a promise not to act on his feelings until it was appropriate. That's just who he is. My dear sweet traditional Gosai. We spent a lot of time together, but he was never inappropriate, never led me on. Even when I confessed my love, at age twelve, he gave me no false hope. But he was honest. He told me how he felt too, but he told me that he would not act upon his feelings because he was much too old. Hade's age. Seven years older than me. When I turned sixteen, I decided I would no longer take no for an answer. I told my older brothers that I would date Gosai. Haru hated the idea, Hade was ecstatic, Gosai... was harder to convince. Eventually my persistence paid off and he took me out on dates. He courted me. But he never kissed me, he didn't touch me, didn't even call me by my first name.  

It was 'Kobiru-chan.' That was how he had always called me. I didn't realize it until a year later that I was the only one he called 'Kobiru-chan.' My sisters and female cousins were only ever 'Kobiru-san.' Never 'chan.' It gave me something to smile about. Later I began to notice his tone when he called me. It was softer, gentler, more affection than when he spoke to anyone else.  

He loved me.  

I realized it in the little things. The way he called my name. The way he would brush back a stray lock of hair that fell out from behind my ear and then quickly remove his fingers as if he'd realized he wasn't meant to touch me. The way he smiled at me. He never smiled. Well, rarely. His smiles were reserved for special moments. He smiled at his younger brother, he smiled at his mother, sometimes he even he smiled at Hade's ridiculous antics. But none of those smiles were big. None of them were greatly emotional. They were polite, occasionally nostalgic. But when he smiled at me... it was different. It was special. It was the kind of smile that brightened the entirety of his face. The kind of smile that would put anyone at ease. The kind of smile that would melt my heart and make me fall in love with him all over again. The kind of smile that was reserved only for me.  

“Aki...” he calls to me again. He leans over and kisses my forehead. I moan. A soft moan. The most I can do right now. “My Aki...” his voice is slow and steady. A hint of worry, but still that gentle sweetness that wraps itself around me and makes me feel safe and complete.”Everything is going to be fine.”

Everything is going to be fine.

For a moment I'm not sure what he means. The humming sounds of the machines connected to me from various parts of my body quickly bring me back to reality. I'm in the hospital. It's been hours. More than half a day.  

“Babies...” I'm panting. My entire body aches. Every muscle hurts like never before. I've been injured in battle many times, but even that hasn't quite prepared me for this. They were already much too early. The doctors said that was normal for twins. But one of them was much bigger than normal. The boy. Touki. He was at least eight pounds. Much too big for a premature baby. His sister, Kyuuka, was smaller. Much smaller. She would have come out easily. The problem was her brother was positioned awkwardly, keeping either of them from coming out naturally. No amount of pushing would get them through.  

“I tried,” whimpered sobs choke up in my throat as my vision begins to blur some more. “You know I did, don't you?”

“Shhh,” Gosai wipes away the tears in my eyes. “Yes, you did. I know.”  

I feel comforted knowing that he knows I did all I could. I really did try. The doctors are yelling something, but I can't quite make it out. I don't feel as wet as I did earlier. I can hear the panic and worry in some of the voices. Gosai gets pushed away, but he only moves a little out of the way. He doesn't leave my side. Holding on to his hand, it's the only thing I can do to keep myself from screaming out as I feel someone cut me. It's deep, but not too deep. I've had deeper cuts. More painful cuts. More physically damaging. But this one is worse. I can't see what's happening. I can't understand it all. Turning to Gosai, I'm surprised he's not looking for us. His eyes are on me. Smiling that smile he only ever smiles for me. The one that lets me know that I'm special to him. The one that makes me feel like I'm the only one in his world.  

“I love you Gosai.”

His deep purple eyes search into mine. He doesn't reply. He doesn't have to. I can see the love his eyes. I can read an infinitude of love in his eyes that pale in comparison to what words could only begin to describe. I know his heart. He loves me. He's there for me. He'll always be there for me. He's Gosai. My Gosai.